If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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