omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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