Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
