Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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