The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
