I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
