you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
