Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
