My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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