Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He passed out mid-signature
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
