Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
