failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
