Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
