I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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