ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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