We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
