i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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