don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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