Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
