She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
