really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
