I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize