I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
