I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
