I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
