he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
