It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
