I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
