I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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