I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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