I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
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