come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
