Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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