Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
