Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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