The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize