she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
