who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
