Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
