Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
