My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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