i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
