we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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