I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
3pm strippers are depressing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
