I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
