he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
