Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
