Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
