I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
