She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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