My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
