i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
