Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize