i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
