I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
