Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
