Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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