I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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