he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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