i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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