Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
