i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
